


Someday

by Feyatsirk



Series: -tober '19 [10]
Category: NU'EST
Genre: Aron centric, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Depression, Gen, Sleeping Pills, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, You've been warned, produce era
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-19
Packaged: 2021-02-28 06:00:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,721
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22798957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Feyatsirk/pseuds/Feyatsirk
Summary: Aron is stuck at home while the other four are on that damned survival program for them. Due to his injury, he can't follow and fight along side them; Because of this rumors start and Aron, checking online for comments and to see how his boys are doing, finds these. They begin to get to him and his depression grows worse unable to avoid the comments about himself when trying to check on his boys' progress.*Happy ending promise; just heavy,heavyangst to get through first.*
Series: -tober '19 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1503806
Comments: 10
Kudos: 24





	Someday

**Author's Note:**

> **Please reread the tags and heed my warnings; this is not a happy fic despite the happy ending. It's grim and not for those who will get anxious, etc from reading these types of stories.**
> 
> This has been in my files since October for the prompts of "tear stained" and "red eyes" but it would've been in bad taste to have posted this at that time, so I've fixed it up and posted it now.

_\- Why is Nu'est even on here?  
\- They already debuted this is for trainees.  
\- Are they that desperate?  
\- Isn’t there five of them? The American couldn't bother trying to save their group too?  
\- The 5th one couldn't pass the auditions.  
\- They're all pathetic._  
  
Aron stared at the comments on the most recent article about the show, Produce 101, as he iced his knee for the second time that day. He understood where they were coming from; he could see why they thought these things. He was rooting for his boys. He told his friends to vote for them too. Aron asked everyone he knew to vote for them. Halfway through, he got to see them again and made them dinner. They weren’t able to stay long according to the rules, but they didn't want to leave. We miss you so much, hyung. They'd say and Aron would just laugh and say he missed them too and he'd see them next week. This time he didn't. No one caught on. He had been checking the updates and rankings. He was so proud of them. Some comments though brought himself up last week.  
  
_\- I heard mnet wouldn't let him in because of his scandal during debut.  
\- It's best he's not there. He'd hold them back. He's the reason they didn’t get far. Who becomes a Korean idol knowing zero Korean?  
\- He can't even dance or sing. His rap makes my ears bleed.  
\- He's so useless. He shouldn't return with them. They should kick him out, he can go back to America._  
  
They made a good point. He shouldn't be here. He shouldn't have bothered. It took him beyond debut to learn Korean properly. He still has problems on occasion; he still stumbles over his words and mixes them up. They try to help him still. They laugh when he makes really bad mistakes, but they still correct him. He’s thankful but he can’t do it anymore. He should be on that stage with them. Should be going through the hardships with them not sitting here watching and voting for them as if it’s the same kind of support. Aron watches the show before bed and does his voting; ending up in bed stressed and finding himself crying which he hates more. He shouldn’t be crying. Some nights he doesn’t sleep. He does clean the entire apartment though. One of the weekends they come to visit they comment on it with a laugh. ‘Where did you find the time to clean the entire place, hyung?’ Aron shrugs. It’s not like he’s doing anything but sitting in the house and watching shows. His friends are busy; he has no job currently. What’s he to do? Spending the night in a sleep pile in the living room; he remembers debut time when they’d all happily sleep together; the stress and hurt of not getting jobs much after the first year rendering them all slightly depressed. They watched the fanmeetings get smaller and smaller each year before they weren’t doing them anymore. When they leave, he hugs them and smiles saying he’ll see them next weekend.

They wave and say goodnight; Once the door is shut, he rubs his face, he hadn’t expected it to be so difficult to fake it for a whole weekend. He just doesn’t know how to tell them he’s depressed. How he’s thought of leaving. If they fail here, he has to leave his family. He has to go back to Los Angeles. How could he leave them? He felt his hands shaking as he locked up and went to clean up the rest of the trash they missed. He wandered into the others’ rooms. Glancing around a bit before grabbing a thing from each to sleep with. Aron knows it’s weird, but he’s been with them for seven years, every day, it’s disorienting to have his brothers move out and only see them on the weekend. He settles on his bed after everything and tries to decide what he might leave and what he might take if they fail. If they can’t get popular enough from this to stay a group. He’s not sure what the others will do if they fail. He might go back to school. He’s not sure yet. Around Wednesday, he gets a call from Dongho saying they can’t make it that weekend. Aron frowns and says it’s okay; he’ll just make extras when they come the next weekend. Dongho apologizes once more and has to hang up when Aron hears someone shouting from the background. His regrets of not being there hitting harder then, too. He glares down at his knee as it twinges. An annoying reminder that he’s got an injury now. Can he even dance as well as he used to if his knee is going to act up and cause problems for him? Shaking his head, he lays down and manages to sleep.

In the morning, he dresses and decides to do a deep clean. Starting with the kitchen; he pushes up his sleeves and begins to dig through the cabinets. Pulling out food that’s expired or a day away that he won’t eat and tossing it. Standing on a stool to clean the shelves and dust before putting things back. He repeats this for each cabinet; pausing when he finds their medicine. Mostly some over the counter pain meds for when practice makes them ache; However, he stares at one bottle labeled for Minhyun and grows curious how many it would take. They're sleeping pills. Minhyun had them prescribed a few months ago when he was having insomnia troubles. The doctor suggested he keep the extras in case he needed them again and didn't want to wait for an appointment and script. He puts them back after all his cleaning but finds himself looking back at the cabinet every so often. He shouldn't. He could just leave. Go back to LA without notice but then he'd have to live with the guilt. He sits to watch the episode for tonight and writes some letters. They'll understand eventually. He just hopes the manager still comes by in the evening; he seals everything and votes at the end. Apologizing that he won't be able to vote anymore and goes to his room, cleaning up a bit and writing an extra note for his parents and sisters before going to bed. In the morning, he double guesses himself; wondering if he should just leave and live with the guilt or take everything from himself. No more pain from his injuries. No more guilt for failing. No more of anything. Taking a deep breath, he gets up and runs his fingers through his hair as he grabs the bottle of pills, leaning against the counter for a moment. He reads the label four times. He doesn't know why. Stalling perhaps. He twists off the cap and begins to dump them all out when he hears the beeping of the door lock. He panics and drops the pills before dropping to the floor as well, his legs bent to either side of himself as he reaches and scoops them up. His hands shaking as he dumps what he could grab into the bottle. Aron looks up in surprise hearing the other's voices and begins to grab the extra pills; tears welling in his eyes. They weren't supposed to be here. They weren't supposed to see him like this. He chokes out a sob and twists the lid back on despite a few pills he notices near the fridge as the boys round the corner. He just stays still hoping they won't notice. Wonders if the human body can turn invisible if willed hard enough. There's no such luck as he hears Dongho’s voice full of worry behind him.  
  
"Hyung?" He keeps his head down. Tears dripping onto his hands as feet appear in the corner of his eyes before there's knees and hands. He turns his head away slightly as Minhyun kneels by him and leans over to look up at him. His head nearly touching Aron's knees as he fills Aron's vision. Minhyun's heart breaking when he sees the red eyes and tears running down his face.  
  
"Hyung, what is it?" Aron shakes his head and Minhyun sits back before gently removing the bottle from Aron's death grip. He hears the pills move as he turns it to read the label. His voice almost sounding accusing when he speaks.  
  
"These… These are my sleeping pills..." They both hear a small gasp from behind them. Aron thinks it's Minki but doesn't look. He can't. They won't understand. Minhyun sets the bottle on the counter and moves his hand to hold Aron's.  
  
"Hyung, what were you doing with my pills?" Aron doesn't look at him, He just turns his head away as he pulls his hands away too. His voice barely a whisper when he answers.  
  
"Trying to fix things..." Minhyun frowns and looks back at the others. Wondering what he should do, and they shrug as Minki mouths the word ‘manager?’. Maybe they should call him. They don’t though. It’s hard enough for Aron in the current moment. There’s no reason to add even more stress to him. As they’re standing there, Minhyun gently rubs Aron’s back when he finally glances over at the others. Still not making eye contact but watches as Dongho suddenly moves towards the table where his notes are lying, and it snaps Aron out of his stupor to try and scramble up to stop him.

“Don’t!” Dongho, now holding the note, looks at him confused and frowns as he opens the notes and Aron pushes Minhyun over a bit to grab the note. Dongho hold the note out of his reach as he holds his arm out to hold Aron back. Minki takes the note and Dongho holds Aron then so they can read it. Jonghyun reads over Minki’s shoulder and they both snap their attention towards Aron, and he flinches away. Turning his head into Dongho’s shoulder, tears coming back to his eyes.

“Hyung, why didn’t you talk to us?” Jonghyun finishes reading the note as Minki moves to Aron and hugs him tightly. Dongho moves to the note and reads with Minhyun as Aron continues to cry against Minki’s shoulder before he slowly sinks to the floor; Minki following him and holding him on the floor as he mumbles soft encouragements and kisses his cheek and temple. Not daring to let go thinking his hyung will disappear if he does. The other three eventually finish reading the letter and move to hug him as well. The five of them clinging to one another on the floor.

“Please talk to us when you feel like this. We’d be devastated if something happened to you.” Jonghyun softly requests. Dongho speaking up next through his sudden tears from his thoughts.

“We’d never continue as Nu’est without you, Hyung.” Minki crying harder from the thought of that.

“All five of us are Nu’est. We know you hate that you can’t fight with us, but you’re our support, Hyung. You’re getting us through this. Especially weekends.” Minhyun says as he kisses Aron’s forehead. Telling him last week was torture, it’s why they snuck out and Aron looks at them in surprise.

“You can get in trouble for that.” They shrug and hug him best the four of them can with smiles. Tears dried on Aron’s cheeks as he looks at each of them.

“We look forward to seeing you every weekend.” They all agree to Minki’s statement as Aron rubs his face lightly.

“I’m sorry. Things were fine before. I just…” he pauses and sniffles as he looks down again. “Things just got to me. I wanted to see how you were doing online wise. All I found was people bashing you and then me. Wondering why I wasn’t there. Why it didn’t matter that I wasn’t there because I sucked. Another rumor said I wasn’t there because I couldn’t pass the application. I just felt _useless._ ” They all take turns kissing his face, even Dongho and Aron smiles softly despite the slight trembling in his body. Exhaustion taking over from the crying and stress. Minki and Jonghyun leave Aron in the arms of Dongho and Minhyun as they go and collect lots of blankets and pillows. Setting up their old sleeping arrangements when they were still newbies and needing the support of one another. It’s still early in the day. They can nap then eat and go back to sleep in the same spot. There’s no harm in just laying around for the day as long as Aron understands they love him greatly and that he’d be so _so_ missed if he left them. Aron definitely isn’t out of the danger zone yet. They agree to fill in the manager so he can check on Aron a bit more often than he is currently, and Aron agrees to let one of his best friends know so they too can check on him. The four don’t want to get news of their hyung leaving them. Later that day, Aron asks if he can just rip of their letters and they look at him concerned that he wrote so many for each of them and nods. Asking if there’s anything he truly needs to get off his chest before he does.

“No… I just wrote how sorry I was. Hoped that you guys would eventually understand, and it wasn’t anything you did. That you all made my transition here amazing. Taking care of me despite knowing no Korean and being older than you.” They hug him again and tell him he would have done the same for them if they had to learn English. He laughs softly and agrees though knows they’d be a mess trying to learn English in such short time. They agree with him and they order dinner for delivery and just chat while they wait and then chat more while they eat. The day going by surprisingly slow for them. After a while they get bored and drag out some games. They’re not stepping on Aron’s toes or glancing at him constantly to make sure he’s okay. They’re giving him the space he needs while making sure he knows he has them if needed. When it’s finally time for them to sleep, Minhyun locks up and turns out the lights as the last one done. Everyone else had showered and dressed and settled onto their blanket pile on the floor; Aron happily taking the middle. They’ll deal with the consequences of escaping from the show tomorrow. Their hyung needs them tonight and they all try to sleep closer to him. Dongho and Minki the closest, they need to know their hyung is there and okay throughout the night. Jonghyun sleeps laying nearly across them all. His head beside Aron’s as Dongho’s head lays near his shoulder. They’ll probably wake in odd positions but it’s okay. Minhyun sleeps parallel to Minki, not wanting to accidentally roll onto Minki’s head at any point in the night. Minki laughs at that and Aron finally makes a joke for the first time that day.

“Minhyun, you don’t move. You sleep like you’ve been mummified.” Minhyun huffs out a laugh as the other three cackle saying he’s right. Things won’t be exactly the same. Aron knows he’ll still have thoughts of wanting to disappear, that he’s not good enough. The other four will worry constantly that their hyung is getting to this point again, but they do subtly check up on him. He catches on and doesn’t mind much. It eases their minds. Someday, maybe he’ll be better and manage to go longer than a day or so without harmful thoughts. Someday, they’ll make it big and he won’t find himself useless. Until then, he’s content to be wrapped up in his chosen families arms. Smiling softly as they begin to quiet and settle for sleep, he speaks up.

“I love you guys.” The four smile and reach out to pat his arm or hug him best they can saying it back fully so he knows he’s loved. His mind still racing and hurling negative thoughts at him, but he can manage. Aron knows he can for them.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it leave a comment (even if its just a keyboard smash; it tells a lot) or press the kudos button, guests can do both, too! 
> 
> Contact:  
> [Twitter](http://twitter.com/feyatsirk)  
> [Curious cat](http://curiouscat.me/feyatsirk)


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